Oh Look, An Update

I haven't felt like updating. I talked to my mom for the first time in about a month today. When she asked where I'd been, I told her lurking in my hidey hole of despairr and self-pity. I haven't really gone anywhere or seen anyone since graduation, with the exception of a trip up to Pittsburgh to visit a friend.

Dozens of applications and resumes later, and I'm still unemployed. Having an MA is like being in purgatory-if I'm not overqualified, I'm under experienced. Boo. Meanwhile, the bills are piling up and I'm just hoping and praying the phone company doesn't shut my shit off. Ditto for the electric. And the internet. Avoiding my landlord? Maybe a little. But then again, when you're a recluse, it's not very hard to avoid people.

When it rains, it pours, though. Today, I had an interview at a car dealership, of all places. It's a sales position, hourly plus commission, so I could make $50,000-70,000 a year. The idea of making enough money to pay bills, pay off debts, and have a little for scratch is squee worthy. The interview went really well. I felt like I really clicked with the interviewer, and I really sold myself, both my experience with the brand (my whole family drives cars from this company) and my experience with hard selling. He spent a lot of time outlining the ins and outs of the job to me, which I feel lie he wouldn't have done if he didn't think I'd end up getting the job. I should be hearing about a second interview early next week. Of course, I will be like a high tension wire between now and then.

Then, of course, after I'm pretty sure I've sealed the deal on this car thing (punny, right?), I get 3 emails responding to a craigslist ad I had posted advertising myself as a babysitter, from people who need full time childcare. I've been sitting here, debating how to respond. On the one hand, I feel pretty good about the dealership, but on the other, I'm a pessimist. I don't want to turn these people down just to have the dealershop not pan out. But if I say yes and then get the job, those people will be screwed. Which I guess isn't really my problem if they get the shit stick, but I try to be a better person that that.

It's beautiful out, and still light out. I may go sprawl on the beach, because I can. If I do get this job, I won't have so much leisure time. But heck, I'm not complaining.

Oh Crap, Now What?

So I graduated a week ago. Or rather, I participated in commencement activities. I won't have my degree in hand until I take my comprehensive exams, which I'm hoping to bang out before the summer is over.

I've been sitting at home, in denial for the past week. I have $14.93 in my bank account, bills that need to be paid, with no job on the horizon. The idea of working the same kind of shitty McJob I could've gotten with just a high school degree is rather unappealing, but the job market for academics is rather slim right now. What does one do with a MA in philosophy? Your guess is as good as mine.

I had this fantasy that I'd land a teaching job, but thanks to substantial education budget cuts (Fuck you very much, Chris Christie) in New Jersey, I don't know how realistic that is. There's the potential for an adjunct position at my undergrad university, but chances are I'd have to move, and 4 years in cow country was more than enough for me. I also kind of feel like if I do get a real offer from them, I can't refuse it, which makes me feel a little miserable. I love where I live, but the job opportunities? Not so much. Moving might not be optional at this point.

Additionally, I have court tomorrow for two parking tickets that I can't pay. I'm going to try to convince them to allow me to set up a payment plan. Where I live, if you have more than one unpaid ticket, they'll issue a bench warrant (seriously? For 2 parking tickets? You'd think I stabbed someone). Kind of seems like a waste of tax payer money...oh wait, it is. Although I have a friend with about a dozen unpaid parking tickets and they haven't hunted him down yet, so maybe I'm safe. I live a block from the police department though, so it's not like they couldn't find me.

Tomorrow, I think I'm going to take the bus into the city and just hand out resumes to anyone who will take them. Right now, I'd like a career, but a job might not be a bad start.

Insert Some Pithy Dialogue Here, My Brain Is Fried

I just turned in my last assignment of the semester.

Aside from a paper and some rewrites for a class I'm taking an NG in (t obe completed over the summer), I'm done all of my graduate school course work. Only comps stand between me and my degree.

I feel like I should do something to celebrate, but all I want to do right now is eat some junk food and go to sleep.

Sabotage

I don't know why I do this to myself.

Okay, not entirely true. I think I know on some level that I'm not currently willing to acknowledge. It's 5:46pm. I'm sitting in my bed, at home, while my 4:15pm class goes on in another state. I've sat here long enough that it will now also be impossible for me to make my 7:15pm class on time. I have no intentions of leaving any time soon. I know I'm probably missing material that I would benefit from having in class discussion on. I just don't care.

If school was right around the corner, I don't think it'd be such an issue. The fact that it's so far away... Of course this is a choice I made. I could live with my mom while I finished my degree, but that would come with its own set of challenges. I think the way things are now work specifically because we only see each other once a week.

I have to be up there for a whole week, just because of the way classes and other obligations are falling. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to be away from home for so long. I can't wait until May, and I'll be done, minus having to come up to take comps, but that can be spaced out over the summer.

I'm just seriously burned out. Not just on the work, but on the driving, which has become increasingly stressful the more my car declines. I'm definitely counting the days at this point.

I should probably get out of bed. I have to leave at some point soon. Meh.

My Grandma Needs To Not Have Facebook

My little brother showed my grandma how to use Facebook about two weeks ago. He signed her up for an account, and she thinks it's great. I'm slightly more ambivalent about the embarrassing messages she's been leaving me ,and also about the fact that she friended my dad (my parents are divorced and this is my mother's mom). Yeah it's kind of weird and embarrassing that she has Facebook, but it makes her happy.

What I can't tolerate is her calling me up to tell me, and I quote: "I read your cynical Facebook updates and they hurt my heart."

I went back, looking at my status updates for the past two weeks, and I honestly don't know what she's talking about. In the past two weeks, I've updated about:
*Having a cold and not feeling well
*The condition of my bathroom as my landlord is fixing it.
*Getting new pet rats.
*Whatever I'm cooking that day.
*The health care reform

The only thing I can think that *might* be cynical to her is the stuff about health care. And I'm sorry, but you not agreeing with my political views is not the same thing as them being cynical. How is me wanting health care for all people cynical? Oh wait, it's not! My grandma is an Obama supoorter too, so I don't get it. But I can't exactly tell my grandma that if she doesn't like it, to fuck off or ignore it. And if it's not the health care stuff, then I have no idea what else it would be. If me updating that I'm annoyed there's a gaping hole in my bathroom ceiling is too much for her, than she needs to not use the internet at all. Thanks a lot little brother, because giving grandma Facebook was apparently like opening Pandora's box. I guess it's time to change my privacy settings.

Is This Thing On?

I used to be an avid journal writer. It seems that my desire to write about my life was directly related to how miserable I was feeling at the time. Unsurprisingly, the journals from my teenage years are full of entries, and I even wrote a lot during my time as an undergrad. I haven't really written much in the almost two years I've been in grad school, which is weird.

I would have to say being a graduate student in philosophy has made me far more miserable than undergrad ever did. I feel like that one fish who's swimming with a school, and then next thing you know every one stops for burgers and conveniently forgets that you were in the bathroom, leaving you behind (don't fight my non-sensical analogy). I'm struggling to keep up, when I used to feel like I was on top of my studies. I never had anything lower than a B in my philosophy courses as an undergrad, and in most cases I always got As. Those Bs were usually in 8am classes, because sleep was just more important at that juncture in my life.

Now I'm almost done. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, after fighting through an existential crisis in which I almost dropped out and defected to Canada. Every one asks me what I'm going to do with an MA in philosophy, and I don't know what to tell them. I figure life is bound to get exciting, once I take my useless degree and embark upon the world.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.